RIDE LIKE A CANADIAN
By Angie “sKwirl” McEwen

I am Canadian. Now aside from that being a beer commercial, what does that mean? Does it mean that I play hockey? I dislike hockey greatly actually. It should mean I play Lacrosse. However I don’t even know the rules. Does it mean I reside in an igloo and ice fish? Well I could tell you a few fish stories but I don’t like fishing and I don’t really like the cold too much. Does it mean I row? Well I do crew, and I was good, but I have not done that in a while in a while. Does it mean I run fast? Naw. How about say “eh”? OK, I give you that, I do sometimes. I can’t remember my last pancake. Which reminds me I should eat. I don’t speak fluid French as I should. Does it mean that I ride better Freestyle BMX?  Hmmmm? Ponderous. No I don’t ride better than others cuz I am Canadian that is for damn sure. But it seems as Canadians we show rather rugged aptitude for the freestyle lifestyle just like some of the others I have mentioned. We seem to latch onto something and get it right. Bring it to a new level. I wonder what is going on. I want to find out. Because per capita there have more world-class riders in Canada then any other country it seems. We barely have the population of New York state and yet we have some of the most skilled riders flinging their bikes around with style- and some might say perfection.

Yes, the perfect Canadians. What? How obnoxious is that! We are not perfect. No not at all. We voted Harris into government. From our once very socialistic government we brought forth Americanization. Which considering where we are located on the globe isn’t surprising: but we still have always struggled to stay true to the country where we were born. Mulroony was a joke. Trudeau now there was a good guy, never backed down from his word, and handled the FLQ crisis with a masterful hand. LaPort and Cross RIP.  But is it the government that makes our riders good?

Our school systems are wonderfully diverse and the curriculum is full of
history and math and art. 57% of Canadians have post-secondary education, which is the highest in the world. Our universities are some of the top institutions in the world, and many other countries flock to the campuses of our homeland. Even if it cost two arms, leg and half your foot to go to them now cuz of the Harris government. But is it the education system that produces top-notch riders?

We have weather here that goes from fuckin’ cold-ass snow, blizzard, ice and sleet to borderline drought. And at one end of our county it could be
raining cats and dog, while the other end is being bombarded with snow. If
you go way, way up north there are times when the sun never sets and the
moon always shines. And the arura borialous shines brightest in our skies.
But how does weather factor into the whole scenario?

Our history of natives, French and English immigrants gives us wonderful
variety and diverseness in languages. With stories of the Plaines de Abraham, to native folklore and English bloodlines we have a richness that gives texture to our people. And cute little stereotypes of french-english beer-dumbed lumberjacks and mounties. Our artists long for the solitude of the surroundings and paintings by Emily Carr echo the history of the land. But how does being culturally balanced bring style and talent to Freestyle?

Maybe it is the terrain of the land and the vastness of space. The smallest
islands pumping out potatoes and the most beautiful mountains to explore and stand in awe of are found at each end of the land. Small fishing towns and large industrial cities. Mega vast fields of grains and desert wastes of
snow. Great and giant lakes left behind by glaciers that have- in the span
of earths years- only just past over our land to replenish the fresh water.
But I don’t think it is the earth and water that is making riders ride so
well.

I don’t know. What is it? I just can’t figure it out. With all that talent
where is the pool that they are drinking from? Is it actual Canadian water
that gives us that oomph? The air? No that is stupid. Man I don’t know.
Maybe I should ask someone. If there was someone around. We are so damn spread out in this country it is impossible to find a rider sometimes. It is funny how we seek each other out like hunters of the elusive yellow belly sap sucker. Yes, we patiently wait to find someone who… wait… maybe that is it! We wait out so much crap. Referendums. Taxation. Winter months. The ice age. Maybe we just have the patients to learn how to perfect these types of things. Maybe we get so damn fidgety, compulsive, masochistic… masochistic?

Are Canadians sadist and masochists? Do we just like half killing ourselves for fun? Good grief. But lets look at where we mostly excel. Look at the sports we have perfected enough to call them our pastimes. Maybe we do have some underlined death wish. I mean we live in the deadly cold of winter. We actually choose to stay here. We are always saying how we ruff the winter. I see those damn road hockey kids everywhere I go in any type of weather wanting to be the next Wayne Gretzky. Blue lipped and teeth a chattering away. But bikers freeze to their bikes.

Could be that we are just deprived of riding bikes for so long during the cold the when winter is over we intensify our efforts in the summer to the point that creates mega talented riders. Huh? Huh, you say. Well huh I say too. HUH! Wait huh is American. I would say Eh? So EH! People ask me to contemplate these efforts, and derive reasons of the this riding talent Canadian phenomenon. But I will be a beavers 2nd cousin once removed if I know. Maybe there is some native folklore that tells tales of… no that is stupid too. If I sit here and think so more maybe something will come to me.

Hmmmmmmm. Ummmmmmm. Lets see. Ummmm no. Maybe it’s… naw. Maybe… no. How about because… screw it I am going to ride.